Looking at you

When I looked up at you that day on the stairway as you told me of your mother’s death and how it meant that you were an orphan now because both of your parents were dead; I froze in a horror for a moment thinking what it meant for me down the road. Knowing the inevitable does not help much, and everyone passes to spirit.  Those who are left here for a long time may wish they had gone first, or even pray to pass along too.

As fall approaches there are still some bright greens outshining the brows of fall

You were right about feeling like an orphan; things are never the same after you lose parents and other loved ones along the path of life. When everyone is gone, you feel alone with a broken heart that never mends.
As a year approaches that my mom has passed to spirit, I am reminded how the pain is so very individual for each person because my relationships with others has changed; some evolving and some not. Some people feeling that I should be along further than I am on the path to wellness after grief, and some believing I am right where I am supposed to be.

There are people that I feel closer to now, and others I feel further away.Not sure why some things have changed for me  but I am trying to let go and  just be; surrendering to this moment in time, right now.

And as I begin to accept things as they are, I struggle a bit to try and catch some of those past good memories that linger in my mind, bringing some tears because some of the memories are painful to think about.

If you are at a stage in your life where things just are not where you would like them to be, take some time with someone to sort it out; someone who may be waiting for you to call and tell them of sadness and happiness in your life.