I have tears today because it is close to my mom’s birthday
I have been thinking a lot about what it will be like, and it is difficult thinking about her all the time.
Yesterday, I thought I heard her voice as I walked down the street. She called my name and I turned around but did not see anything except the rustle of a small tree branch that had fallen from a nearby pink flowering tree that has tiny flowers that fall ever so softly like snowflakes.
I wonder if it will be different when a year has past since my mom has died because all the authorities on grief and sorrow agree that it takes at least a year before you can move on.
And moving on is never without tears at moments least expected because the loss will always be with you, letting you know that the person is still there inside of you, telling you that they are okay.
And the childhood memories keep flooding back with my mom near me, telling me it’s time for dinner, or standing at the end of the driveway waiting with me for the bus, or sweeping the driveway when I returned from school. I have been trying to figure out why I keep having these childhood memories of my mother, but I guess it is part of the healing process.
Think of the word joy when you feel sad because it can help you to feel the love that is deep down inside of your spiritual being. And your spirit can help you with the healing that you need to do when you are feeling lonely and tearful.
Having people around you can help with healing
Sometimes I feel like I will never heal from my losses, but then a person in my life touches me, giving me a hug or a gentle smile that brings me back to the present.
As you age there will be more and more losses, and many of the losses you have felt in the past may not compare to the losses you are feeling right now. But the good news is that those smaller loses, like the death of your cat help prepare you for the bigger loses such as the death of your mother.
Mom is still with me when I need her and I can feel her leaning on me sometimes. She wraps herself around my shoulders and give me a great big hug, and it always helps me to know she is still near.