I sit on this bench quietly in the summertime to let my spirit inside.

The Inner Self

I thought death would get easier as time passes but It does not.

All that happens is  you begin to get a little tougher inside, holding back the tears at times, and crying when no one is around.

I had a grief attack today, unending tears because I could see my mom’s face as she struggled to get out the words she wanted to say to everyone.

She asked for many people to come to her side at the end. I was surprised at how mentally clear she was, and it made me smile to get one last glimpse of how mom really was. A sweet, loving person who helped many.

My mom was ill with Alzheimer’s and was in and out of memory for the past few years. But when she got sick and died a few months ago, she was okay. She remembered people, places and things I thought she had long forgotten. Someone told me those memories were still inside of her, and I would visit her often, just to catch a glimpse of her loving ways.

Every Friday was the day I spent with mom. Sitting by her while she rocked in her chair, and we shared a piece of fruit.
I knew that she wanted to be better, and she would say to me on occasion that she could not figure out why she would forget so much. When asked, even her last meal was a long, lost memory.
But the day before she died, she was her old self. Talking to her brothers and sisters who had come to see her, and even smiling. My grand daughter asked me yesterday if grandma ever smiled or laughed, and I said, ” Back when I was a kid, grandma had a great smile and wonderful laugh. She and her sister Rose, when she visited from New Jersey, would laugh so loud you could hear them in the house howling while we were outside playing.”

Now, as an adult, I can still see my mom’s wonderful smile when I think of her loving ways.

It is good to reminisce on the past sometimes, and staying in the present moment can be difficult when you have had a loss. If you are struggling with a loss, give yourself time to heal. Spend time with people who are going through similar difficulties and give each other some comfort.