When it came to loneliness, it was all about Gloria
She was never alone, but felt that way most of her life.
Grief and loss come in many different ways in life. Some struggle with the physical loss of a spouse, while others lose their loved ones in other ways.
Gloria’s losses were centered on the loss of her husband, not a physical loss but an emotional and mental loss of love and caring.
Raymond would come home at night always angry; never a kind word was spoken to Gloria.
He wanted her to give him a divorce, and to Gloria, dying would be easier. Back then, no one got a divorce, people just stuck it out, for better or worse.
The painful words came out of Raymond’s voice often, ” You are too fat, you can’t do anything right, you are so stupid,”
painful words Gloria heard all of her life, but she stuck it out for the children.
The children were blinded by their young age, but as they grew up, they knew how hard Gloria struggled to keep her family together.
The only thing the children remember of their father’s wrath were the loud screaming matches while they hid in closets, shaking like lost yellow and white daisy flowers with broken petals.
Lost in the Wind
Raymond broke Gloria well; like broken cracked ice under her feet, never being able to find a spot of ice that was safe, and listening to the slow crackling sounds of unstable ice making its way toward her.
Her spirit was lost in the wind, just like the branches of a weak tree struggling to stay centered above the water, but knowing that soon the ground would loosen the roots and a long fall down to the bottom of the creek was the fate of this tree that stood strong for just a mere eighty years. Many other tree stand stronger, with wider trunks, and live a much longer life.
The Mind, Body and Spiritual Losses Connected to Emotional Pain
Spiritual loss is deep, affecting every aspect of life. Gloria was unable to feel well; damaged with different ailments, some real, and some imagined, but all became real because she wished it so.
As her children grew, she was happy to see them go off to live a life much better than hers. And then she was able to live for her family, looking forward to grandchildren and meaningful times.
And the struggle still continued with her spouse, and even intensified to the point of where it affected her mind deeply. During her last few years of life she struggled with knowing who she was, recognizing some of her family members but struggling with the present moment. This may have been good for Gloria because not remembering things can be a good thing for someone who struggled as much as she had with loneliness and health issues.