Being Single: A Vital Stage to Maturation

It seems that everyone thinks that people should grow up, go to college and get married. A way of life that most of us seem to see as the perfect way. perfect life, perfect family.

Well, that is not for everyone, and even the best of psychologist such as Erik Erikson, do not talk much about being single as a developmental milestone.

I guess I am very inquisitive about the single life, due to the fact that I never had one. I was married early in life, had my children, and now I am a grandmother. What did I miss not being single for any period of time? I had some short time off after divorcing, but most of my life, I have had a mate. I felt that I had to fill the void each time that I was alone. Sometimes I think I should have stayed single longer, but I enjoy company! My present husband and I get along quite well.
Most people who are single, really do not want to be. They may be looking for the perfect mate- and have not found Mr. or Ms. Wonderful!
They may have high expectations, problems with their own maturity, or have been divorced and remarried many times. (Being divorced may leave you with many times when you are single, but not necessarily by your own control.)

Most divorced people enter the dating game, often too soon! How do you know you will not do it all over again? Meet the “same person”, over and over! If you do not change yourself, you probably will attract the same type of person- and that can be your worse fear!

If you did not get along in the last relationship- or you had difficulties communicating- how do you expect to get along with the next one that comes along?  It won’t be any better with a different person if you don’t change some of the things about yourself that may be lacking! You are part of the problem. In all relations, it takes two to tangle! So, look inside of yourself, talk to a counselor even if your partner won’t. Before you take on another relationship, take on yourself.

So what is the point?
Many people have not matured enough, know enough about their own needs, or really have been intimate with themselves, so how can they become intimate with anyone else?
According to Harville Hendrix in his book: Keeping the Love your Find, he believes that immaturity is a problem with many adults who are single. It is “me, me, me  first,” instead of trying to work at a relationship. You may need to put others in front of your own needs.

Many couples do not know how to communicate with each other. They rather just forget about trying to salvage a relationship- get a quick divorce, and do the same things over and over with the next spouses.

Why can’t people realize that you have to work on a relationship to make it a good one?

You need to communicate instead of hiding  from each other.

You have to let your partner know what your needs are. You have to learn how to communicate with each other, even around touchy topics. No one wants to tell their mate the bad news about things such as their flaws, or hide things from one another. This is a bad road to travel. Honesty and trust are so very important that people break up due to trust issues. So, begin with trust! And communicate what your needs are, even if your partner is upset about what you tell them.