>Are you planning a slow “Exit” from your spouse?
You may not even know that you are doing it!
Do you do less and less with each other?
If so, you better get the intimacy back into your relationship before it is too late to recover.
If you find yourself eager for conversation with the local grocer or people at the gym because your husband is always on the couch sleeping (perhaps hiding from you), then you better start to spend more time with your spouse and perhaps wake them up!
If you have been in a relationship for a long period of time, you will probably understand exactly what I am talking about!
After the romance is slowing down in a relationship, the couple usually finds that they can spend time without their partner. If this time becomes too extensive- the relationship can grow cold.
What am I saying?
While most couples develop their own hobbies and “busy times” in their lives, it can get to be too much.
Where do you draw the line between having some fun alone, and jeopardizing your relationship?
Harvelle Hendrix in his book: Getting the Love that Your Want describes how some couples find ways to get away from each other on purpose!
You may not know it until you really think about it- but when you spend hours with your girlfriends shopping, or find some new club to join, you may be trying to get away from your spouse.
It this continues in a relationship, it could be heading toward a breakup, because before you know it, you do not know each other anymore– or maybe you don’t want to know each other!
What to do?
Well, the first thing to do is realize that you have a problem. Maybe you already know because your relationship is stale, or you may argue a lot. Or your spouse is just never around! He may be in the garage all the time ” working on his car”. Or you may be already feeling like you want a divorce because you are both so different now. Before you get the divorce- try some of these strategies.
You can turn it around, but it will take some time.
A first step should be to talk to your spouse about your feelings, and perhaps both of you can cut down on time away from each other, and doing some things together.
Don’t cut out all of the extra things that you may be doing, just cut down. Make a list of all your extra curricular activities and pick a few that you can do without. I know one of mine is blogging too much!!
Realize that you need to work at a relationship to keep it strong. This may take some time, especially if your spouse is not ready to get off the couch and take a walk with you today!
But he or she may be ready tomorrow!
Developing a Relationship Vision:
You both have to develop goals related to your relationship that you can be dedicated to. A good one to start with are ” Caring Behaviors.” When was the last time you bought a small gift for your partner?
This positive behavior can really perk up your spouse.
Or giving your partner a neck massage after a hard day at work. This type of intimacy is a good way to help a relationship. You need to touch, and be touched. Touching is not just for sex.
Everyone needs hugs, kisses and a pat on the back – don’t stop touching, because it can cause distancing in a relationship.
Cooking breakfast on Sunday mornings is one that I enjoy doing for my partner. It brings us together early in the day to just talk.
Yesterday my partner brought me home some flowers. Flowers are always a sign of love and dedication. Doing the “little things” really helps bring people together.
So if your relationship is beginning to go south- or you just want to put a little spark into your love life, spend more time with your partner. But take it slow- don’t give up all of your hobbies. You still need some alone time.
Taken in part from: Hendrix, H. ( 1988) Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples. New York, NY. Henry Holt and Company