>Today I was sitting having coffee with a friend of mine. We have been friends for a very long time, so we can tell each other just about anything.
It seems that the biggest problem we both have at this juncture of our lives ( we are about the same age, in our 50s) is taking on other people’s difficulties.
Does it come from being a mother?
Not sure, but it comes from somewhere.
We have become the people who take care of everything!! Our own worse enemies. The mothers of all mothers who do everything for everyone. We have little time for ourselves because there is always some emergency that happens, or job to be done.
I really feel done with it all!!
I need to find time to deal with my own problems, not those of my kids, husband, or other family members.
As we were talking, someone in the restaurant jumped up screaming that he got his hand caught under a chair. And a few minutes later a women in her “ride around scouter chair,” runs into a bunch of chairs and tables almost taking out the man who squeezed his finger on a chair.
We both had a very hard time not laughing!
Both my friend and I were glad to see others taking on the role that we “do for a living!” That made me feel good to see that there were others like ourselves who also jump to the rescue. Someone has to be the Good Samaritan at times, but there is a limit.
I think I may need to follow a 12 step program to release myself from the horrors of helping others too much.
My first step?
Admitting I have a problem with rescuing people. I am already there with that step. I know I have a problem.
Tonight, I will do something special for myself only! I already rushed off this morning to buy myself a pair of jeans so that I would do something good for myself today. And after coffee, my friend and I bought things for ourselves. Can you believe we bought things for our kitchen so that we can wait on more people! I was so glad that I bought those jeans earlier in the day!
Tonight I am going to watch a hockey game alone, with a beer ( which I hardly ever drink), and a bowl of popcorn ( which I always eat).
And then- who knows, maybe I will order a pizza for myself!!
If you are a rescuer, try to cut down before you stop cold turkey.
Melody Beattie in her book The Language of Letting Go speaks on rescuing ourselves.
She believes that life is difficult enough, and is even more difficult if we neglect ourselves. Today, we should learn how to rescue ourselves!
It is our job to notice when we need some extra care. It is our job to notice our abilities, strengths, and learn how to take better care of ourselves.
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.
Taken in part from: Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go. New York, NY. Hazelden.