>Are you able to deal with changes in your life?
We talk our way into unmanageable situations. For example, people who cannot accept disappointment or losses tend to get into trouble. They say they can’t deal with things so they escape.
When unpleasant things happen, like a broken relationship, they may use escaping type techniques instead of facing the reality of the situation.
If a person tries to deny reality by drinking, eating too much or sedating themselves with drugs, the results are not good. These ineffective coping strategies do not help the situation.
These escape techniques do not work.
Easier said then done: Some people may tell you, ” put it behind you, and move on.” This is not helpful to the newly depressed person fending off the tears.
Telling someone the obvious does not always help because they have to see things for themselves the reality of their situation.
They have to admit that they may be hanging onto the past, and not moving forward.
They may even have to see the reality that the relationship was not very good to begin with! That may take some time.
Indulging in food or alcohol does not solve the problem. The refusal to recognize that life has become unmanageable is called denial.
We all deny things, but when it affects your ability to take care of yourself, you may need some help. Counseling is helpful, but self-help groups are good too. The groups consist of people just like yourself who have been there.
So what makes our lives unmanageable? Not being able to accept things the way they are, and move on to better things. You may need to develop some good strategies to deal with future disappointments. I believe in the social aspect of healing. You may need to develop some coping strategies that include talking to close friends about your problems or going out with friends to distract you from some of your problems. Good distractions include going to a movie, taking a long walk, or taking a ride into the country with some friends. Also- and I bring this up a lot- try some alternative modalities such as meditation. This helps me when I feel powerless about things!! I take a meditative walk or I do some extended yoga poses where I stay in a position for a long time. It really helps.
In alcohol anonymous, this is the first step toward any kind of healing. Admitting that you are powerless, and that your life is unmanageable.
This can also apply to our relationships.
Sometimes we just do not have the power to change the situation.
You may not like the fact that your boyfriend just walked out on you- but in the long run keeping your sanity about those broken dreams can be helpful. And “moving on” to better relationships is a good idea. I know people that ruminate on past unfortunate happenings for their entire lives. Realize that you can miss out on many good happenings by getting stuck in the past.
There is power in the positive~
The power of the positive is also worth pursuing. Try your best to stay as positive as possible, even in the worse of times. This really helps. I keep positive and inspirational saying around me all the time. I read books on the topic of staying on the positive side of life.
Remember the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Knowing the difference between what you can and cannot change in your life is the first step toward healing.
So what makes our lives truly unmanageable when we get into difficult situations?
Not being able to accept the way things are. Some things you can change, some things your cannot change.
Taken in part from : Twerski, A. (1990) Waking up Just in Time. New York, NY. St Martin’s Griffin
The power of the positive is very helpful in situations that are unmanageable