>Relationship 101

>For the New Year I would like to open up the topics on health and wellness to include relationship development. I am  very interested in topics that my readers would like to hear about. Not only in  relationships but other health and wellness topics. Whatever your interests! So leave me a comment on what you would like to hear about!
Before you can have a relationship with other people, you need to have a good solid relationship with yourself. Here are a few questions about you from Gary Zukav and Linda Francis in their book: The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness:
                                                             Am I Sensitive?
Ask yourself a few questions about sensitivity. Am I…

TRULY SENSITIVE                                                     TOO SENSITIVE
Aware of other people’s feelings?          OR              Taking things personally?
Responsible to  other people?                                    Reactive to other people?
Seeing the situation clearly?                                      Judging the circumstances?
Interested in myself and others?                                Only interested in myself?

While all of us long to  experience intimacy, and as human beings we are designed to be caring, sensitive, and loving toward one another- are we?
When you are truly sensitive to others, every encounter you have with another person is satisfying and can help you develop insight and spiritual growth.
When you are not caring, sensitive or loving– when intimacy is missing- nothing is fulfilling. Interactions with others are cold, and sometimes cruel. This can be painful because you feel isolated and alone.

How to create intimacy in your life?
When you begin to naturally create harmony, cooperation, sharing and love of life, you cannot suffer from a lack of intimacy.
The early stages of becoming more intimate begins with yourself. Intimacy means trusting in yourself, in what you need, and in the manner that is most appropriate for you.
Intimacy means letting your guard down,  and relaxing into the present moment with others.
You become a friend to yourself, and the stranger who smiles. Kind people have opportunities to become someones friend just with a smile.
The question may be how to change?
You need to change in order to not re -experience the same painful experience. You know the saying- if you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same results!
What needs to change?

You need to change the question from: “How can I change others?” to “How can I change myself?”
Here are some emotions that you can focus on in your changing experience:

 To begin on your journey of self-intimacy, here are some emotions that you need to change.

Instead of what makes me angry– What is the experience of anger in myself?
Instead of what makes me jealous– What is the experience of jealousy in myself?
Instead of what makes me sad-  What is the experience of sadness in myself?
Instead of what frightens me- What is the experience of fear in myself?
Shifting power:
You can create intimacy in your life when you shift from the pursuit of external power ( the ability to manipulate and control) to the pursuit of authentic power which is the alignment of your personality with your soul. This is intimacy.
Making changes:
Many people try to make changes in their lives by attempting to rearrange circumstances that trigger painful emotions. They may change jobs, friends, spouses. They choose new careers. This may help initially, but it does not eliminate the painful emotions.
Avoiding and denying painful emotions throughout life will not help you to heal.
You need to recognize the pain,  and begin to respond to them.
Anger is a good place to start. Beneath every experience of anger is fear. All hostility originates in fear. A loving, kind individual is fearless. An angry, jealous, vengeful, depressed person is filled with fear.
Remember that love is fearless. It does not threaten any form of Life on this Earth. Love is a Friend to all. It supports, nourishes, and cares for others.
Your first step may be to get rid of the anger in your life.
An angry person is in a lot of pain.
You may have to dig  deep into the sources of your pain to find and correct it.
It may be a lack of self worth or  how you value yourself.
You may find that you can awaken a powerful, compassionate and caring person who is going to take the opportunity to first find intimacy in themselves and then be able to have intimacy with others. This path may be a powerful one with continuing growth and understanding of yourself, and then others.

Taken in part from: Zukav, G. & Francis, L. (2001) The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness. New York, NY. Simon & Schuster