Getting it out

Sometimes you just have to get things off of your chest

And if you keep things bottled up inside  too long, you may start to have some stress related issues from internalizing your difficulties. Many people who are stressed out all the time begin to have that fat around the middle which causes heart disease.

There is  much research on the topic of stress and how it can harm you. You may want to learn how to deal with your stress, anger and sadness in different ways. I use many alternative therapies that help me such as lavender aromatherapy when I  need some calming, acupressure points, yoga and meditation.

For very difficult situations, meditation seems to work the best for me because I use my breath to slow down my thoughts and relax me.

Who helps you to get where you need to be?
I know first hand that you may need to have a confidant near you who can be your springboard related to you deep feelings.

For me, that person used to be my mother. Mom always knew how to handle things that had an edge. I wish I was more like her. She had tolerance of many issues in life that I could not deal with, even if it meant my life was at stake! And mom always listened without judgment, nodding, patting me on the back and loving me just the way I am.

Marriage Difficulties

Mom loved green things. She had a green thumb with plants and people!

Mom loved green things. She had a green thumb with plants and people!

In my last marriage I kept things locked inside of myself, only releasing them late in the relationship when it was too late to get it out without consequences.
And there are always some kind of consequences when you tell others how you feel about them, especially if there are negative feelings that need to come out. This is where conflict begins in a relationship. Some people know how to handle conflict effectively without a battle. Others ( like myself) have difficulties with conflict and may need someone to help them sort things out before they get into a shouting match with their significant other.

 

Practice
If you have someone that you need to talk to about some not so good feeling  about what is happening in your relationship, practice before you blurt out things because they may be too painful for the other person to absorb.
My former husband once told me during a therapy session that I was not his intellectual equal. That was many years ago, and today I still remember how he sat when he told me this; the slight smile on his face as he held his head down   from the embarrassment  of what he was saying, and of course my reaction which still brings some rage to my surface. ( and l am still working on it today!) The relationship was already over when my husband  told me that, but to this day, I still remember it very clearly, and how painful it was to hear those words. ( for the record, I do not believe for a moment that he is smarter than me, but he likes to think he is!)

Anger issues that need support

And for me, along with those bad feelings, there was anger too. And the anger did not go away for a very long time.
Sometimes it is still there lurking inside my emotional being, and I have to combat it with some inspirational literature, spending time with people who bring a smile to my face, and a few therapy sessions from a competent therapist.

If you have someone that is hard to deal with, you may need to practice what you are going to say  before you blurt it out. And remember that it will come out eventually, sometimes with consequences and sometimes without.

 

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This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2014 at 8:31 am and is filed under Loving Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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