Still Grieving

Did you ever notice how a sunrise and sunset look the same?

That is because they are like yin and yang.

Opposites have so very much in common. When the sun rises we start our day, hopefully full of energy ( yang) and at the end of the day when the sun sets, we are quiet, still and ready for bed ( our yin ways).

On Grief and Losses

The rising and setting of the sun is like death and losses. Every day passes by you whether you are ready to go on or not. It just moves on without you or with you.

Don’t let others tell you how long to feel lost, alone and teary eyed. My nana cried for at least a year, every single night after my papa died, and back then over 50 years ago, it was the norm for many people to grieve a long time.

At dusk when the sun goes down grievers begin their long nights

At dusk when the sun goes down grievers begin their long nights

 

Today I heard an authority on grief say that it takes about 90 days to get over most losses. It upset me to think that someone who is supposed to know about losses can put a number on it.

My nana and her sisters number was 1 year, and you wore black for the entire year so that people knew you were grieving. They even wore a veil when going out so that people knew and did not ask. That was nice because you knew who needed some extra care and comfort.

 

 

For myself, I am still grieving on a recent loss and did not really dwell on how long it has been until I heard someone put a number on it. I feel that grief is so individual that each person has to go through stages, some getting stuck, and passing slower than others. Elizabeth Kubler- Ross in her book On Death and Dying came up with stages of grief. She believed that we go through these stages, in no particular order, but may get stuck for some time in one. Here are her stages: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Accepting Loss

You never get over losses, you just learn how to live with the loss in your own way.

Some people never accept things as they are and therefore may get stuck there while others stay in the depressive state.  It is good to think of loss in stages rather than numbers because no on can put a number on how long you should grieve your losses.

Stages of Loss taken from: Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Touchstone Book. New York, NY.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, March 27th, 2014 at 9:08 am and is filed under Grief and Loss. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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